Too Far Undercover, Starting To Believe My Lies

I’m in too deep.

I’m starting to believe my lies.

This might sound like the start of a Linkin Park song, but it’s all too real.

I’m at a point in a relationship where I feel like an undercover cop who is so good at his job and has been embedded so long that he starts to truly absorb his alias. While that’s a good problem to have as an undercover cop, it’s not ideal for a Modern Man.

I brought up this subject with a friend and she asked, “Is your alias someone who wants to be with her? Or is your alias the guy she wants you to be?”

I told her, “They’re one in the same.”

She responded with, “How long do you believe your own lies before you reclaim you?”

Another great question, to which I replied, “Until they eat me. I feel trapped.”

I don’t know another way to put it, because that’s the truth.

These past three months have been utter hell.

It’s like I’m that undercover cop.

Better yet, I feel like I’m in “Saw.” You know that movie with the tagline, “You wanna play a game?” The one where a few people are trapped in a room and they have to do gruesome things to get out, like cut off a limb with a dull butterknife to get to a key.

I don’t have any appendages left.

I discarded them to be a better cop. To be a better chameleon.

The only things remaining are what makes me a man.

It’s time to become Wolverine.

I’ll be damned if I castrate myself.

Women Are Thankless Creatures

The other day Social Justice Warrior (SJW) remarked how spotty her Internet connection was at her place, which would prove to be a death knell for an upcoming Skype interview.

You see, SJW is in the final stages of selecting a law school and she had an interview with one of the most prestigious law schools in the nation on the horizon.

After hearing her debate the merits of possibly doing it at home versus a public library (which would be disastrous around The Land of The Fucking Writer) I offered my apartment out of the goodness of my heart.

Continue reading

When The Well Is Dry

There hasn’t been much to report from The Land of The Fucking Writer recently, because, well, there hasn’t been much fucking going on — at least with new partners.

Come to think of it, Social Justice Warrior (SJW) was my last new partner. We first slept together on our second date, which was about three weeks ago now so I guess you can call it a three-week drought.

But should you call it a drought if the well is dry (Bumble and Tinder have revealed very few prospects) and you don’t care enough at the moment to tap another since you’re getting consistent “water” from another source?

SJW has slept at my place more often than her own in the past three weeks and I can count the number of times we haven’t had sex on two fingers. I’m fully aware this is the “Honeymoon Phase” of having a new partner, but I’m going to ride it until the wheels fall off. If — and probably when — that happens, I’ll fire up the dredge and work new angles — or wait until the rains come and the levees break (It’s happened before around these parts).

What’s In A Name?

My buddy and I were discussing my recent dating exploits when the conversation screeched to a halt.

“Excuse me,” he asked incredulously.

“You know, [Woman’s Name],” I replied. “The one I’ve been hanging out with.”

“No,” he responded. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“For fuck’s sake,” I said. “SJW.”

“Oh,” he deadpanned. “Now I remember.”

Continue reading

Don’t Stick Your Dick In Crazy

I should have realized it at the first red flag.

She was a 27-year-old virgin.

I’m not saying all women who are virgins past 25 are damaged, but it’s important to do your due diligence in finding out why a woman chose that path over having a small number of partners. Though some might say it’s far better to find out a woman is a virgin than a town bicycle.

Continue reading

FetLife Chronicles: It’s Been One Week

EDITOR’S NOTE: Twitter user @mrjamesbroker asked me to expound on this post a bit, so I updated to include those remarks.

One week ago I took a deep breath and got to work.
I grabbed my lantern and pickax and repelled down the fraying rope into the underworld known as FetLife.

If you’re wondering what I’ve found, here’s the answer: Not much. But what I found works.

I sent messages to three women I found attractive by FetLife standards that lined up with what I am seeking.

First you need to know that attractive on FetLife and attractive on any other dating platform is completely different. Jaw-dropping gorgeous and depraved rarely, if ever, go together. Secondly, if a woman set up her profile correctly, it should show what she’s interested in, whether it be bondage, daddy/daughter, watersports or whatever else it might be. That should give you a good barometer on if they’ll be keen to respond to your advances.

Well, they all responded and through a bit of conversation, whittled them down to one. The other two didn’t vibe well with me and lacked a certain aspect of social awareness.

I have since hung out with and defiled that lucky woman twice.

She is a submissive and aims to serve, which falls right into my hands. 

She is a stylist and told me there would never be a day she would look unpresentable.

She cooked for me once and made a delightful meal.

I treat her with respect and it goes a long way. Never forget that part.

I don’t know how long this partnership will last, but for now, it’s good to have her in the rotation.

The Fucking Writer Joins FetLife

One party line I kept hearing about The Land of The Fucking Writer – other than it’s a good place to get an addiction – was that it’s quite the kinky place. With two swingers clubs in the city limits, and from what I’ve seen happen in them, I tend to agree with that assessment.

Since I’ve already been to both swingers clubs a total of four times (three at one, once to the other), I figure I might as well head down the next road.

Yours truly just joined FetLife.

I honestly don’t know what to expect or how to attack it.

Then again, I felt the same uncertainty toward the swingers club as well as Feeld and had my fair share of success with both. I had a few group experiences at the former and bagged two women from Feeld since I created my profile.

Will success follow me to FetLife?

Find out next time on The FetLife Chronicles.

Same Fucking time. Same Fucking channel.