Is it possible to be too ambitious? I’m serious with that question.

When I graduated from college five years ago, I set a goal for myself to reach a certain level of success in my chosen profession by the time I was 25. Like most graduates, I received my diploma in May and I’d turn 22 in June, so I allowed myself three years to accomplish said goal.

To be honest, it was a pipe dream. In my profession — in which I knew I wanted to be involved since I was 12 — upward mobility is difficult unless you’re in the know or have a strong background (collegiate program and internships). I had neither. It probably would be easier for me to get involved in porn and skip straight ahead to one-on-one scenes with Heather Vandeven and not have to go through gay porn first. Evidently every male porn star goes gay first.

Anyway, I took my first step toward reaching my goal in September of 2010 when I moved 800 miles from home in pursuit of my first job. Three months later, opportunity knocked. I got offered a position working at about the same level I set for myself following graduation. I’d need to take a pay cut in order to do so and move 2,500 miles across the country, but that was nothing. For me, accomplishing my goal meant everything and even though I’d be 26 hours away from home compared to 12 at my former locale, if it meant being where I wanted to be career-wise, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Sure, it took me a few days to decide on taking the position, but once I did, I packed my car with all of my belongings and hit the road.

Since I poured every last bit of my soul into achieving that goal — and did so three years earlier than expected — I was at a loss. What was my next step? It couldn’t be as big of a jump as before, since upward mobility had taken a bigger blow in the last few years than it did in 2007. Yet, I put out every feeler I could to make that next move. At the same time, through conversations with Normz and my parents, I learned that I wasn’t ready to make that next move yet, even though my goals had been rearranged. To be honest, I still don’t know exactly what my next step is — and that scares me, being such an ambitious person.

I never had a problem kicking the ball through the uprights before and once I split them with my last kick, I felt like Sebastian Jankowski drilling a 63-yard field goal against the Denver Broncos to tie the NFL record set by Jason Elam.

How can I top myself? In my never-ending quest for self-improvement, I feel as if I deserve better, but that new upright hasn’t been put in front of myself. I’ve been searching for it. I’ve looked high and low for that new upright, but I still haven’t located it yet. Once I do, I have a feeling I’ll line up for the kick and drill the ball through the uprights with room to spare. Then, I’ll need to find the ball.